I have vivid memories of being in college, feeling like I was busy. Papers to write, meetings to attend, giant textbooks to read, midterms to take. Everything seemed so important. So here I stand, looking back five years and realizing that I didn't have a clue. Yes. Education is important. Investing in knowledge to prepare for a better future is a noble thing, but I wish I would have realized what important actually meant. I wish I would have seen the eternal. Clearly, God knew I needed children to open my eyes.
I am carrying a daughter right now, twenty-six weeks down and the Lord only knows how many weeks to go until I can kiss her sweet face; and I am struck by the importance of my days right now.
When you are awakened in the morning by a human life who needs your help and love to survive the day rather than a buzzing alarm clock, suddenly important takes on a whole new meaning. When what you eat in the morning affects another life that you carry within your body as well as the lifetime health habits of the lives in your care, eating goes beyond just refueling for the next four hours. When what you read and learn either motivates you to godliness or selfishness, there become even fewer gray areas. When the friends that you choose also determine the company that your children will keep, you realize that your companions are influencing relationships that have the potential to last longer than you will. I think this is what the poets would call legacy.
Each day is completely full of the truly important. Reading the Word with my sons. Therapy for my baby boy. Care for a new mom. Holding a precious baby for an hour. Reading more to my sons. Having dinner alone with Teacher Man, hearing and being heard. Running (okay, walking really fast) with a friend and laughing about a week gone by too fast. I fall into bed exhausted, having accomplished nothing on my list of assignments but also having the firm knowledge that I wouldn't have changed a moment of the day. Not. one. I know that what I'm doing is truly important.
When I had one child, I could still pretend that so many things were important. I could still maintain my house the way I wanted it to be. Dinner could include multiple side dishes. No one ever saw me unless I'd had a shower. I still knew where all the puzzle pieces were to that silly farm puzzle. You know? Now I find myself falling before the throne of God and begging for Him to show me what's important and for His peace and wisdom to not care about the rest.
Pray for me, friends. I know that baby girl will be a joyful, beautiful, exhausting, and eye-opening addition for us. I already feel myself digging in my heels and trying to figure out what I can do ahead of time to maintain what I think is important, but I know in my heart that it is not so much about what I do but how I do life that will make an eternal impact.
If I read the Bible to my children but speak to them hurtfully in my anger, the Scriptures will mean little to my children.
If I prepare balanced meals but don't have time to give their hearts focused attention, they will starve.
If I plan a great birthday party but fail to teach them of the greatest Gift God has given them, they have nothing.
If I iron every shirt my husband owns and have a shining home for him each evening but I don't have time to truly communicate with him, it doesn't matter.
If I keep every appointment on the calendar but don't obey when Holy Spirit prompts me to move, then I've missed my most important meeting.
So that's where I am. And why I'm not blogging as much. Being fully present in my life and more responsive to what I think the Holy Spirit is asking me to do is taking my time and, rightfully, the vast majority of my attention. I'm hoping the season will return when I can write more, process more, share more; but that's just not where we are right now.
Praying you are having a blessed week, friends. Let the colors of fall soak into your soul and drink a fully-caffeinated pumpkin spice latte for me, okay?
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